The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
