Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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