I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize