I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
