just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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