K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
