Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
