Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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