You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
