I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize