shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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