I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Randomize
