pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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