Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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