look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
