I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
