i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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