I seem to have left my pride at pride
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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