I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize