Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
