Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
