12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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