I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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