Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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