It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
