Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
