Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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