ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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