I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
