Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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