he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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