I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
