i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
