hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
