well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize