I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
