Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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