she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
