YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
