I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
