Got a toothbrush?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
