im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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