I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize