I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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