when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
