Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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