It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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