I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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