youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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