Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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