I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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