the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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