Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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