when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
