What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize