well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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