Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
