living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
