He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
