Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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