I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
