so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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