woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize