Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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