i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
