I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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