How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize