I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
