i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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