my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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