when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize