Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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