Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
