Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
