I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Non-Jews are for practice
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
