Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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