I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so let's talk penis.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
