just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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