u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
