oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Shame is for Republicans.
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