Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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