I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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