everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
