I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
