...so i touched it.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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