loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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