he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We left the knife in your bed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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