i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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