Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
