My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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