i permit you to call me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
