I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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