Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
