Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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