So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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