Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
