Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
