Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
